As a manager, you are sometimes under pressure. High levels of responsibility, external expectations and your own standards can lead to your inner critic becoming particularly loud. You may be familiar with thoughts such as: „That should have been better“ or „I can't afford to make a mistake“. In this article, you will learn how to better understand your inner critic, why it often takes on a protective function and how you can deal with it more constructively.
Table of contents
The inner critic and his work
For some people, the inner critic only appears rarely. Others are accompanied by it almost daily. This inner voice often becomes louder, especially under stress.
Typical statements of the inner critic are
- Don't be like that.
- You're not trying hard enough.
- You'll never make it.
- You are too insecure, too slow or not competent enough.
- You must not allow yourself to make a mistake.
The inner critic often makes sweeping and undifferentiated assessments. This quickly creates a mental trap. You focus almost exclusively on mistakes, weaknesses or deficits. Successes, progress and strengths fade into the background.
The more space this inner voice takes up, the more it influences your self-esteem, your mood and your behavior.
Constructive versus destructive self-criticism
Self-criticism is not fundamentally negative. Healthy self-reflection helps you to take responsibility and develop yourself further. The key question is what the criticism is aimed at.
- Constructive self-criticism: „I was unclear in this difficult team meeting.“
- Destructive self-criticism: „I am incapable.“
The first statement refers to a specific behavior that can be changed. The second statement evaluates your entire person. This is exactly what makes destructive self-criticism so stressful. It conveys the feeling that you are fundamentally not good enough.
How the inner critic manifests itself in everyday leadership
The inner critic often manifests itself subtly in leadership. Many managers don't even realize at first how strongly it influences their everyday life.
Typical effects are
- Micromanagement, because mistakes should be avoided at all costs
- Difficulties in delegating
- Excessive self-control
- Perfectionism and excessive standards
- Difficulties in recognizing successes
- Constantly brooding after meetings or presentations
- High sensitivity to criticism
- Exhaustion due to constant internal pressure
High performers in particular sometimes confuse their inner critic with a willingness to perform. In the short term, this dynamic can have a productive effect. In the long term, however, it often increases stress, inner tension and emotional exhaustion.
Origin and protective function of the inner critic
The inner critic often develops early in life. Experiences with caregivers, school or social expectations often lead to the conviction of how one should be in order to be recognized, safe or lovable.
The inner critic therefore often tries to protect you. For example, from:
- Rejection
- Criticism
- Errors
- Conflicts
- Loss of control
- Failure
The inner critic is therefore not an „evil“ voice. It is often a part of the personality that actually means well but works with exaggerated pressure.
This is precisely why it is usually of little help to simply want to „get rid of“ the inner critic. It is more helpful to understand its function and develop a new way of dealing with it.
The inner critic as part of the inner team
The inner critic is often the loudest member of our inner team. However, there are often other inner voices, for example:
- a reflected portion
- a caring share
- a creative part
- an exhausted portion
- a courageous share
If the inner critic permanently dominates, other important perspectives fade into the background.
You can also find out more about the concept of the inner team and self-management in the Article on the inner team. The two topics are closely linked.
Dealing with the inner critic
- Becoming aware of your inner critic
The first step is to recognize the inner critic in the first place.
Helpful questions:
- How do you recognize your inner critic?
- What does he actually say?
- In which situations does it appear particularly frequently?
- What feelings it triggers
- How does your body react to this?
Write down your observations in a journal as soon as possible or in the evening.
- The patterns reflect
After a few weeks, it is worth reflecting in greater depth.
Questions for reflection:
- Which topics are repeated?
- With which people or situations does the critic become particularly loud
- What is he trying to prevent?
- Which criticism contains a helpful core?
- Where is the critic clearly exaggerating?
- What unrealistic expectations do you recognize?
It often turns out that the inner critic is working with old protective strategies that are no longer helpful today.
- Limiting the inner critic
If your inner critic is exaggerating or blocking you, it helps to consciously create inner distance.
For example through:
- a mental „stop“
- Consciously redirecting attention
- a more realistic counter-statement
- Self-compassion instead of self-deprecation
Helpful inner answers can be:
- „I'm allowed to make mistakes.“
- „I don't have to be perfect to be competent.“
- „This situation is challenging and I am taking it step by step.“
- „A mistake does not define my value.“
The aim is not to avoid all self-criticism. The goal is a more constructive inner dialog.
If you notice that your inner critic is driving you on, blocking you or leading you into perfectionism, it can be helpful to take a closer look at the underlying patterns.
Change takes time
The good news is that dealing with your inner critic can be changed. However, new inner patterns do not usually emerge overnight.
Many people experience relief when they begin to understand why the inner critic arises in the first place and what protective function it performs. This part often tries to protect against mistakes, rejection, insecurity or loss of control. The problem is usually less its intention than the harshness and intensity with which it acts.
A more stable sense of self-worth is therefore often not achieved by making your inner critic disappear. Rather, it is crucial that you learn to better understand its dynamics and meet yourself with more inner clarity, compassion and differentiation, even in difficult moments.
Over time, this often creates more inner security. Other inner parts are given more space and the inner critic no longer has to constantly take the lead.
Would you like support in dealing with your inner critic? In the Self-management coaching we look together at the underlying patterns, protective strategies and inner dynamics so that more inner security and self-management can emerge.
Suggestion and source
Tom Diesbrock (2014): Hermann! On dealing wisely with the inner critic.
About Sybille Imbach, organizational psychologist
Sybille Imbach is dedicated to helping managers and teams strengthen their emotional intelligence and resilience. With many years of experience as an organizational psychologist, she specializes in sustainable strategies in stress management and team development to promote personal well-being, effective leadership and constructive teamwork. Her expertise combines psychology and coaching in a unique way to create healthy and productive work environments.
When classic tools or self-help books no longer help, Sybille Imbach starts where real change begins: with inner clarification, emotional depth and sustainable self-management.
